Loading ...Rules to Handle Criticism
One of the most important skills that a minister must develop is the ability to properly handle and receive criticism. The inability to deal with criticism in ministry will circumvent much of the minister’s progress in a congregation. Probably, the number one error that is made when criticism is given is the reaction of defensiveness. The minister automatically attempts to defend himself from the attack or words. It is the classic fight or flight response that is a hijacking of the emotions. Dealing properly with criticism will strengthen relationships and produce a healthier congregation. Here are a few rules:
1. Remember that criticism is always helpful. There is always lessons to be learned in criticism. It can be a personal change that needs to take place to a reminder of never being a knuckle-head like the person getting on your case.
2. Never, ever, become defensive. There is no sense trying to defend yourself at the beginning of the conversation. The person will not hear you anyway. Allow the person to talk all they want, listen to the criticism and paraphrase back to the individual what you heard them say. The person will feel listened to. Then respond by clearifying a misunderstanding, simply thanking the person for the input, or saying you are sorry. Choose the right way, and you will have a friend.
3. Fog. This is a skill that I learned for those people who are always on my case. Fogging is the art of agreeing with the statement or criticism as much as you can and leaving it at that. For instance, if someone states that you should have used more verses in your sermon, say “You are right I could have used more verses in my sermon. Thank you for that insight.” You could have, you could not have, what is the difference, it is a debated point. Just agree and live to serve another day.
The best, and I mean best book on the art of listening and learning from others is called “Listening and Caring Skills” by John Savage. If you are a elder, minister, deacon, or work in a church a lot as a volunteer, this is a book you must, must, must read.
Related posts:
- Criticism: The Difference Maker
- Skills for Criticism
- My First Criticism
- Results From the Survey on Ministrial Skills
- The Last Sermon
About The Author
Buy and read the book. It is the best.
There is a type of critiscim that is meant to inflict pain and control people. Then there is the type that is of love and is intended to give productive feedback for improvement.
The best criticism I ever received was from an elder who began by asking my permission to share a critical point with me. His criticism was accepted as a loving concern with my best interest in mind. Now I try to remember that approach when and if I must critique someone else. …I have also learned not to take myself to seriously, that way some of the unnecessary criticism is not so bothersome.
-Rex
Excellent points. Anytime you’re in ministry you have to be able to handle criticism in a healthy way. You make good points. I did a post on the subject a few months ago that dealt with it too. If you’re interested just click the link above.
I like your blog.
“Fog” that I learned years ago–”Thank you, I’ll be sure to give that all the attention it deserves.” (Sometimes it deserves years of attention; sometimes two seconds.) On my good days, I ask my critics to pray with/for me about the given matter. Even if the issue is not changed, framing it in prayer gives a healthy beginning to sorting out chaff/substance.
I’ll try to find the book. Thanks for some good advice, Matthew.
I would also like to apologize for being defensive (with a couple of your readers) in my comments on your blog a few weeks ago. I should have been following this advice back then. Thanks for your patience with me!
In no way Terry, I felt that you were defensive. Remember, we want to discuss ideas on here. Eddy, that is a good fog, sometimes you have to do this. The Bible says to not fight with a fool. Trey, thank you, you have one of the best blogs in cyber space. Rex, great story and attitude. People like that elder are the reason people can grow in the Lord. Proverbs states to not reject the advice from a wiseman.
These are well placed suggestions. We do have to remember there is both destructive and construtive criticism. Years ago I missed a point in a Bible class an elder, who was also my next door neighbor, waited a few days and then called and asked me when I had time to come over. He just told me in a very kind fashion that he thought I had missed a point he was kind in his approach had no desire to call me down or show me up publicly but “taught me the way more perfectly”. I have always tried to follow his example. He was one of the best men I ever knew. Criticism directed and treated this way is most helpful.
Leon,
Thanks for reminding us of the difference between destructive and constructive criticism. I try to always remember that I need to be redemptive in all I do. Thus, if my criticism is not redemptive then it probably will only alienate rather than correct.
-Rex