Loading ...Skills for Criticism
Someone who I highly respect as a minister is Jerrie Barber. I ate lunch with him once and I learned more from him in one hour than I have in a whole class at university level. It was a natural conversation, but he was teaching me about handling criticism. If you are a minister and have never been criticized, it means two things, you are not a very good minister because if you are leading you are being criticized or you are perfect in every way. I vote for the first one because even Jesus was criticized. Here are two ways to handle criticism:
1. State the boundary of “I do not accept anonymous criticism.” This rule will save your life. You will overcome all of those “there are a bunch of people who are” comments. Typically these are one of two people who are mad at you and they blow up the situation. Anytime the criticism starts with “some, many, a few” you need to state the rule. If there is a not a named attached to the problem, you are not going to deal with it.
2. “If you want to criticism me, you are buying me coffee (Starbucks of course) or lunch.” This helps to deal with “hen pecking.” This is the little stuff that you do that gets on people’s nerves. If the person feels the need to take you to lunch about the concern, you need to seriously listen to them. It is important. You are using this law to help to know the major stuff from the minor stuff. There are always little things that you must not pay attention to, but there are other things that you must be addressing. This helps you to know the level of the problem with people.
Here is a link to a sermon on this topic. It is one of the best. It is called “How To Accept, Invite, and Enjoy Criticism”
http://www.barberclippings.com/23914.html
Related posts:
- Rules to Handle Criticism
- My First Criticism
- Criticism: The Difference Maker
- Results From the Survey on Ministrial Skills
- Read “Starbucked”
About The Author
Here is the link, it should work. http://www.barberclippings.com/23914.html
[...] Skills for Criticism | Musings on Spiritual Matters http://www.matthewmorine.com/?p=867 – view page – cached Someone who I highly respect as a minister is Jerrie Barber. I ate lunch with him once and I learned more from him in one hour than I have in a whole class at — From the page [...]
Good advice! I once angered a passive-aggressive critic who told me that there was a “bunch of other people” who were saying this and that. I angered him when I told him that I could care less what someone thinks when they do not have the courage to directly speak to me. But the truth is, I don’t care unless the person(s) take their time to come directly to me and speak to me in the same respectful manner that they wish to be spoken too. Then I will listen and care.
I will say this though…just as we know that the pithy saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me” is a myth when it comes to children being harrassed and insulted by their peers, it is pretty hurtful when as a preacher I discover that someone is saying untrue statements about me behind my back which seek to undermine my character and integrity. I know I am not the only preacher or elder (or other Christian leader) to experience this. What is sad is that these “someone(s)” are Christians engaging in such maligning behavior.
Grace and peace,
Rex
Thank you for the compliments.
Leaders are lightening rods — not throw rugs. Lightening rods stand high above a house and invite the lightening to strike them to save the house. They handle the charge, carry it to the ground and protect the house. The strikes are part of the job description of leadership.
I do not invite, enjoy, or accept slander.
Recently I asked a man who has criticized me repeatedly, “I just wonder — if you ever catch me doing anything right, would you tell me that?” He assures me he will. I have invited him to lunch and look forward to talking more with him and have thanked him for sharing this thoughts and observations.
I agree – Jerrie is a talented minister who does a lot for other ministers, and this is one of his “specialties.” One thing rule #2 does is move the discussion from a written note or quick comment to an actual conversation. It is so easy today to try to communicate so much about complicated issues by e-mail or texting that we forget the value of face to face communication. If it is important enough to discuss, then it is valuable enough to spend time in a one on one setting. Good stuff.