Four Emotional Reactions to Church-Church is Problematic
This is the stage that people “suffered shipwreck in regard to their faith” (1 Tim. 1:19). The initial excitement of the faith has worn off and reality is beginning to set into the mind of the new Christian. Attending church has become more difficult because of the gap between small talk and true conversation. The easy conversations of “where are you from?” and “what do you do?” are running out. The shallow conversations are quickly dying but are not being replaced with true friendships. This is where coming to church becomes a time of loneliness instead of a time of connection. People in the congregation made a special afford to greet and meet the new convert but this desire is beginning to subside. The new convert is feeling isolated because people have gone back to ignoring the new convert to talk with old friends and family in the congregation. To the new Christian, it seems the beginning friendliness of Christian fakeness of friendliness was to pull them into the church. There initial perception was that church was concerned about love and relationships, but now it seems that the church is merely a club for the long-timers. Also, the new convert perhaps has been involved in some of the ministries of the congregation. At first these were rewarding experiences, but now it seems that there is a lot of gossip about the leaders and a lot of complaining about the programs. The new Christians has a ton of excitement for reaching the lost with Christ, but typically some of the members seems to have little or any desire to reach the lost. The energetic new Christian perhaps even begins a new ministry but soon realizes that most people do not want to change and volunteer but instead prefer to criticize and “tell-a-tale” to the leadership so that the new Christian does not make them feel guilty or so that the new Christian does not gain power within the congregation. At this point, the new Christian is completely stressed and disappointed with the congregation. The first impress was that Christians were overly friendly, loving, and seeking to spread the Word of God, but now from a different point of view it seems that a large number of members in a congregation are unmotivated, lazy, and backbiters. Paradise has been lost. The best way to help a new Christian through this process is for a seasoned Christian to mentor the new Christian. This means that there is a genuine friendship that is developed. This friendship will help the Christian process some of the emotions and hurt that he is dealing with because of the unpleasant experiences. This mentor provides a true loving experience of a real Christian while explaining some of the unhealthy dynamics that can happen in a congregation. This mentor will help the new Christian to develop to the next stage in emotionally dealing with the church.
Related posts:
- Four Emotional Reactions to Church-Church is Purposeful
- The Four Emotional Reactions to Church–Church is Pointless
- The Four Emotional Reactions to Church–Church is Perfect
- Emotional Cut Off and Churches
- Organic Church or Visionary Church
About The Author
The next section will be a lot more positive and where most Christians end up.
This is a good reason why all new converts should be in a small group.
Yes, a small group will help with this transition. At this stage, it becomes easy to be lost in the crowd.
A seasoned Christian mentor… now what verse did you cite to show this is part of the church pattern for leadership:-)?
Actually if every new Christian would have a more experienced Christian to mentor them (not as an Elder or Evangelist) but just as a fellow brother or sister in Christ, the process of discipleship would continue with a lot more sucess.
The problem of new Christians suddenly finding themselve alone as all the members of the congregation begin to huddle together again with their old church friends could be helped with small groups and a small groups/involvement minister that can help coach each small group leader to be vigilant about making sure the new person is not left out of the loop. Of course, that assumes the congregation has the resources to support an additional minister to work in this area.
Good topic!
Rex
“The best way to help a new Christian through this process is for a seasoned Christian to mentor the new Christian.”
Absolutely. Christ tells us to “make disciples” and in my opinion, there is no subsitute for the one-on-one interactions with a mature Christian. Good stuff Matthew.
Mentor… see Barnabus with Paul.
See Paul with Timothy.
See Naomi with Ruth.
See Samuel with David.
Many other biblical examples to choose from. Who needs a verse when the word of God is rife with entire life stories that clearly show mentors.
I am enjoying this series Matthew…
Thank you everyone. One of the big reasons that my ministry has gone well through hard and good times is because of an excellent mentor that I have. My ministry is his ministry and we do His ministry together.
It can even happen to ‘seasoned Christians’ when they move to a new city or new state.
After the initial flurry of welcomes, the congregation sometimes goes back to their usual friends and assumes because the new families are seasoned Christians that they will just ‘find their place in the body’.
Yes, MOST do manage to find their places in the body of a new congregation, but it would be much quicker and easier if someone made a point to include the newcomers for the first year. Sometimes personalities are not as outgoing as some and it is difficult for some to just attend some church functions where they still have not bonded with any of the members. They will begin to slip in and slip out of the worship service because they feel awkward….
“A seasoned Christian mentor… now what verse did you cite to show this is part of the church pattern for leadership:-)?”
I was being a bit facetious.
I agree, the Bible is full of examples of mentoring relationships.
Grace and peace,
Rex
I know you were Rex. Bonnie, that is a great point.
Rex… I understood your tongue in cheek message, was just trying to take the next step and list some for those who might surf in and not share our thinking about Christian mentoring.
Because of the excesses of some movements within our brotherhood, mentoring has picked up somewhat of a bad connotation. In an effort to distance themselves from that movement, some see mentoring as a bad word.
On a personal note, I think that I met you a few years ago at a men’s retreat at Camp Hunt. I may have you mixed up with someone else, but memory tells me that we met while you were there in Ithaca, NY… please correct me if my memory is flawed. I was one of the speakers that weekend and after many years in upstate NY had returned for the retreat. I am now in Cherokee, NC working with the church on the reservation.
Sorry about the personal sidebar everyone…
Jimbo
Jim,
Yes we did meet up at Camp Hunt. I remember you. How is your work going in CHerokee, NC?
Grace and peace,
Rex
I am shocked that mentoring is a bad word now for some. I think it comes from the business culture that kills the latest idea and now people when they hear mentor they see a business context.
If a word doesn’t work any more, the nice thing about English is it’s not hard to find equivalent terms!
I’m tending to use “coaching” (what you do with growing Christian leaders) and “discipling” (what you do with newer Christians) a the moment. Coaching does have some specific disciplines and skills that can distinguish it from other forms of mentoring, so it
As Rex notes (tongue in cheek!) mentor isn’t a biblical word, but it is a biblical pattern. (Incidentally, I find “hyper-biblical-patternism” exasperating… the New Testament doesn’t mention cars, planes, ice-cream, air conditioners, central heating, pizza, telephones… but surely all of these can be used by Christians! if the Holy Spirit and sanctified common sense can’t lead us forward, we’re led to utter paralysis.)
That was meant to be (paragraph 2) “so it isn’t a simple substitute for mentoring though.”