Loading ...The Skill of Fogging
How do you response to criticism? Do not deny any form of criticism. If you respond with critical comments that is just doing what they are doing. Beware of becoming defensive or counterattacking.
“Fogging is an alternative way of responding, rather than by being defensive.” This is not a method to foil all forms of criticism, but is a skill to deal effectively with a critic.
Several Ways to Fog:
You can agree with any statement that is true for you.
You can agree with any statement that may contain some truth.
You can agree with any statement that is a generalization, as long as it has some possibility of being true for you.
How to Fog:
Fogging begins with a stem phrase. These are:
That’s right.
You’re probably right.
That’s probably true.
You’re right.
You could be right.
I guess you’re right.
If I am the critic, and I can get you on the defensive, then I can run you all over the tennis court. I can keep you running as long as you want to run. I am, indeed, in charge of the relationship, and you are at the end of my behavioral whip. But I cannot keep you running if you will not run. Fogging, therefore, is a behavior which says that you will not play that kind of game, so you simply respond with what you think may be true in my criticism of you, and let it go at that.
Critic: You are always late for meetings.
Fogger:You could be right; I am not always here on time. (It is helpful to add a comment after the fog, to put the fog into a context).
Critic: You think you are a pretty good chairperson of our committee, but Jean did a better job than you are doing.
Fogger:You are right. Jean did do an excellent job. (Agreeing with only the part of the statement that is true).
The Next Steps after Fogging:
Negative Inquiry
Perception Check
Paraphrase
Related posts:
- A Growth Skill Set
- Rules to Handle Criticism
- Criticism: The Difference Maker
- The Truth Behind Vision
- Hired a COD
About The Author
Minister’s being criticized…that never happens
.
That picture scares me.
I have recently come to the conclusion that we never begin to truly approach humility until we begin genuinely listening to others. What makes listening so difficult is that in the process of seeking to understand another, we are implicitly acknowledging that we might be deficient or wrong in our current understanding. Listening becomes even harder when we must listen to correction… especially if that correction is given in the form of harsh criticism.
Thanks for your thoughts as always, Matthew.
hmm…i see why this is a plausibly effective coping mechanism, and i see why we certainly need to not get on the defensive but rather be disarming. nevertheless, couldn’t fogging be dishonest or insincere? Surely we can’t use fogging at the risk of hypocrisy.
You’re right, criticism happens. It can drive you mad if you let it (unfortunately, i let it do so more than twice in ministry). But it is possible to teach a congregation to learn not to be critics. The current congregation i’m in has the least amount of criticism going around that i’ve ever experienced. There’s a genuine air from both leadership and members that, well, what would being a cynic accomplish? Nothing good.
i think we shouldn’t just resign to accept that people are critical (hyper-critical really) and that’s okay. no, it’s not. it’s not conducive to the Christian environment and community we should be creating and maintaining.
–Guy
It can be, but remember that you are to only agree with that which you feel is true.